Perfect?

Before I forget cause i will. Isn't that how life is? We forget so we can move on. It gets us through the hard times. My recent relationship has ended. It lasted for like 4 yrs. Its the longest relationship I have ever had, and its now over. Its been about 2 months now. I've gone on a date once and in my mind Perfect... Though now I wonder how good was it. I guess it was one sided. So to document this before I forget as I always do I wanted to write about it.

The girl was beautiful and cute. She had a wonderful smile that could make anyone melt. I met her at a club and from the moment I saw her I thought she was beautiful. She gave me her email where we chatted back and forth for a bit. We finally made the steps to have a date. And what date it was. I picked her up at the airport from whence we then traveled to a mall to get her a new outfit. (it was like 90 that day...a sunday) After the mall we went to a japanese restaurant where we were able to get a seating. A bottle of sake and great food. Our date continued beyond our set 8 oclock time we originally scheduled and we went for a walk and a had a glass of wine. After that a look at the stars and a walk on a pier led us to a kiss. Granted I was buzzed and her too but it was great. From there a walk to a beautiful hotel. A drink for each of us and dessert. A palm read and then a drive to a lounge. A trip to my place, a burrito, and a innocent sleep. (hard to do) The next day. A drive home and now nothing... I don't understand and thats all I want.

Reminisce

I LOVE to reminisce, and because of that, it is my biggest downfall; or gift. Not really sure. I've been listening to some music tonight, and drinking a couple of drinks to go along with it and have been thinking. I really do miss somebody. I won't name names cause that is not right, but it starts with an E. I know we had hard times, but there was also good times. I know the bad as much as the good and lately I've been reminiscing so much of a place called; well what can we say without giving it away. It starts with a V and is north of us. I just keep thinking about our time there and can't get it out of my head. I so much want to go there again. Its crazy. I want to go there so bad. UGH...

Everyday I think of something that reminds me of her and it starting to make me crazy. If not for a second or a fleeting moment, it is still there. So many memories and so many times an so many moments that its driving me crazy. I do hope she is happy though; she deserves that the most. She deserves the best, and I really hope she will find that. =( Can't help but be a little sad there, but she does deserve the best.

Oh maybe its the booze and all but I just feel so sentimental tonight. UGGGGGHHHH. Cest la vie. This post along with so many will go through a digital abyss of useless information. Someone someday will read this or maybe not. Though its ironic and I've said it before, the only person I want to read this even though I blast this to the world, will probably never see it. LOL I"m and idiot. LOL or maybe a little buzzed. But its all true. It is. Miss ya.

Addiction

I have an addiction. I bought this game last week, because a friend told me I would like it. Well, I do. Since buying it; what last sat, I have played it constantly. I've played till like 6 am since I've bought it. Is that crazy or what. I wake up and start playing, and thats it. Its an online game so its fun, and there are always people playing. Damn though, I don't do anything. I actually don't want to do anything, but play. I don't even want to go out drinking lol. All of my time is consumed in this damn game. Damit, I hate the game, but love it. Damn game.

Oh hum

You know its one of those days. Things don't go your way. You feel like crap. Nothing seems to be going for you. I hate those days. Whatever happened to those days where things were simpler. I guess that was in preschool. But now things are different, you have to take care of yourself, do everything yourself, be a grown up. I don't want to be a grown up anymore. I want to be a kid again. I want to play with GI Joes and transformers. I want life to be like it was simpler.

I don't want to deal with bills or think about ex's. I don't want to think about what I can and can't eat, because I may get fat. I don't want to go the gym. I don't want to worry about a job. I don't want to do anything. I want to sleep, and sleep till a new millenium. Is that possible?

I want to find meaning in everything that I do. I want to be a better person. I want to be happy, but lately all I'am is sad and down. Its a struggle, and I can't seem to pull myself up. I hate it so much. Uggghhhh... Why O why, life is just so blah. I just need to get back into a normal groove or something. I need to stop thinking about my past. I need to try and get out of this rut. I need to think of what is and not what was. Hope for the future that it will be great, and that maybe things will make a full circle for me. That is what I will hope for. The future...Salute to the future, and what make come...Hope

One of those days

Have you ever had one of those days. One of those days where you reminisce. It was so sunny a few days ago, and all I could do was dream and reminisce. Its funny how that works. I think of old times and what I would do. I'm writing in a blog that is just, to express my words out to the void. No one really knows of it, but one. But I doubt she ever visits it. I mean its not like I write in it a lot. In fact its been a while since my recent post that I have even touched it. But I guess I just feel like writing today.

It would be nice to be able to talk with someone. Maybe we will call her E, or maybe Y. But whatever, that doesn't matter. I guess I really do miss her. Talking to her, hanging out with her. I can't call cause she doesn't respond, and I know she doesn't want to have anything to do with me. I'm sad and think about her constantly. I guess it just one of those days.

Sorry

You can say you're sorry
still you know that it won't change a thing
while I'm here, I'll love you still bigger
but it's too late for me
girls like you, I'd like to, but I guess I don't
Oh, I owe it to me
Lets spend the weekend on our own,
trying to get it right.
When you're high, I'm down on you
When you're gone, I'm around for you
What you need, I've heard it all before,
and true, it's the same thing
You can say forever, still you know
that it won't mean a thing
I guess I tried to love you, still it's better when
something's stay the same
girls like you, I'd like to, but I guess I don't
Oh I owe it to me
Lets spend the weekend on our own
trying to get it right
When you're high, I'm down on you
When you're gone, I'm around for you
What you need, I've heard it all before
and true, it's the same thing,
there's just a better view
Let's spend the weekend on our own
just spend the weekend on our own
trying to get it right
When you're high, I'm down on you
When you're gone, I'm around for you
What you need, I've heard it all before
and true, it's the same thing
theres just a better view
it's just the same thing,
theres just a better view...

Its funny

Its funny how its easy to write when not talked to. You don't have someone there attacking or saying anything to you, you just write. Thats why blogs and e-dating are so funny. You can talk or post whatever you want and its ok, cause you can think about your thoughs and clearly portray them. You can then click send in hopes that someone will respond.
I have a friend who says he has 90% ratio when it comes to meeting women on the internet. Well I guess typing is a lot easier then talking to a person face to face. Its funny how public speaking is so frightening to most people. Your heart starts to skip, your palms get sweaty and then you start to stair at an endless sea of people. I guess thats why words can be easier then actually talking. Oh well cest la vie.